According to an article posted on the Elite Daily website.
2 Yale students have created a “Love over Zoom” website geared for home bound college students.
Are we surprised? Probably not.
With all the changes our society has experienced in the last four months, did anyone think they would see the end of Tinder and app-based hookup/romance lifestyles?
For the record, we at DateU are not convinced. Some guess that they will evaporate completely like a virus on a hot summers day, but they most likely will be transmogrified into a new form as we have witnessed with the zoom-date phenomenon. Also, for the record, we think that a video meeting or introduction would be a tremendous benefit to the digital dating scene.
As we post, you can almost feel the heart rates of catfishers around the globe racing skyward over the thought of having to display their actual self in the bio section of their favorite dating app.
Another interesting byproduct of post-pandemic life is how wary folks have become. Have you noticed this? Everyone seems very…hesitant as they peek out from behind their COVID 19 mask and expose their face to the world… or at least to another person..and maybe even on a date!
As the numbers continue to fall and our nation opens up again, you can literally feel the fear in the atmosphere. I began to wonder if this might be a symptom of something deeper than just dealing with a virus.
In terms of relational pathogens, fear has got to be one of the worst. Not satisfied with causing a few goosebumps or heart palpitations, fear actually makes its home in your soul. Where your mind and will and emotionally intersect. Left unchecked, this relational plague decimates every aspect of our ability to build and maintain a connection with another.
Thinking about your own life, how many times have you held back from speaking or approaching someone you were attracted to because you were afraid?
You might have feared rejection, or embarrassment or having your intentions be misinterpreted. Could any of these concerns actually play out in reality? Sure, and none of the could have manifested either. But because of fear, you’ll never know. And a potential life-altering relationship was squelched before it could draw its first breath of air thanks to fear’s heavy paw clamping down.
How about at work? Ever kept quiet with an idea because you weren’t sure how it would be received? Have you ever been in a relationship that was struggling? Maybe your boyfriend/girlfriend was more vocal and assertive- and you always held back, you never made your feelings/wants/desires known because you were afraid they wouldn’t like you anymore?
And how did that turn out for you?
Fear in a relationship is worse than a virus.
Have you ever thought about how much of your recent romantic relationships were poisoned by this nefarious enemy of connection?
Afraid to speak…afraid not too.
Afraid to act….afraid to stop carrying the load
Afraid to be honest…afraid to be vulnerable.
Afraid to show love…afraid to receive it.
Any of these symptoms sound familiar? The first step in treatment is to identify the disease.
Do you have the courage to look in the mirror and ask yourself 2 important questions?
What am I afraid of? ((in this relationship)
Why am I afraid? Why am I willing to bend my future and relationship options for________?
Step 3. Be quiet and listen. Heaven speaks to our heart and our heart reveals our truest self. But first we must stop talking and texting and just…listen.
The best news in this situation is that there is an antidote for fear. Regardless of when and where it shows its ugly face…
Love.
Now I’m sure that some would say “yeah…love is the answer to everything right? Doesn’t matter what the problem is just “throw love in there and everything will turn out all right….ridiculous!”
Cynicism is popular because it’s easy and occasionally grabs a measure of the truth in its smear campaigns. In this case, true love is often touted as “the answer” and too often no further example or explanation is given. Thus another brick is piled onto the cynical wall.
But let’s peel back a layer or two and see how love can be a solution to the pandemic fear.
In fact, it was a rough middle eastern fisherman who penned the following wisdom:
“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.”
Fear is the absences of love’s perfection…..interesting.
Beyond that…what do we mean by Love, specifically? What kind of love?
Ahh, now you’re asking the right questions. And we will dive deep in to love’s many facets in a future post. (patience, kindness, self control, loyalty etc. ) But for today consider these aspects:
Love as it relates to your view of yourself. How you see yourself and your future. How you “treat yourself” what are the internal conversations you have about your humanity and failures.
Loving yourself would give grace for mistakes, would see the best in what you have to offer another. Having a healthy mindset towards yourself with love acknowledges weaknesses but also commits to growth. Finally, loving yourself would give you permission to feel worthy of being loved by another. Especially someone who might seem “out of my league” to your friends.
Let’s consider one more example.
Love as the antidote as it concerns another person or group of people. Conflicts, misunderstandings, miscommunications, downright disagreements are all part of life when you are in connection with others. (family, job, school, church, neighborhood, etc.)
These are the difficulties in life that many folks never find an answer for. And so to one degree or another, the virus of fear sabotages or even destroys these various relationships.
And love can…..?
Soften and overcome any source of conflict. Especially when its accompanied by a large shot of forgiveness.
No one said this was an easy task. Demonstrating the virtue of love can sometimes require all of the self-control and restraint a human can muster. Being patient and kind when others aren’t can feel “other-wordly,” when our emotions are stiffer than a flag facing north in a Wyoming wind field.
Placed in the form of a diagnosis, we can recognize that fear is the destroyer of all things relational.
And love is the cure.
So we leave you with an invitation. Do a “self-check.”
When it comes to your relationships, look for places where evidence of fear is showing up and admit to yourself you need treatment.
Apply the medicine of love liberally to every sore spot on your heart with the salve of humility and forgiveness. (yourself, your spouse, your boyfriend/girlfriend, coworker, etc)
You just might be amazed at the results.
And don’t be afraid to come out from behind your mask and seek out a connection with another human. We can’t stay closed in forever!
Until next time.
